I find it very bizarre to be in a country where it is considered strange to smile at someone in the street, and yet publicly sucking face is so acceptable.
Seriously. Everywhere you go in St Petersburg there are hormonal Russian youth in heat, jaws locked so tight it's as though they're auditioning for the role of a Death Eater in the next Harry Potter film. Normally public displays of affection don't get to me -I think PDA is cute to see in another young couple, and I know I'm guilty of the crime myself. I've had friends tell me that my beau and I can be sickening when we're together-but I think (or I hope) that it's usually in a "sickenly sweet" sort of way. When we're in public, we generally try to keep the PDA to a somewhat dignified level at least.
But in Russia some of the public make out sesh's have really...to be honest...grossed me out. I dunno, maybe I'm aging early, and I'm turning into a disapproving old babushka already, but the way some of the youth here carry on ("rutting" is the term that most quickly comes to mind) is confusing and bizarre, and at serious odds with the slightly less passionate surroundings. Metro, sidewalk, escalator, elevator -all are potential makeout spots in America as well as in Russia...but not usually when you're ass-to elbow with a crowd of people so tight you can't move. Believe me, elevators in Russia (at least all the one's I've encountered) are small - but an elevator built for 4 that has 7 people in it already is no deterrent for the youth of Russia when they want to get their game on.
I was sitting on the metro today, and one such young couple was standing right in front of me. It was like watching a car wreck -awful, violent, and incredibly disturbing, but at the same time impossible to look away from. Usually I can ignore people kissing in public -I avert my eyes for the sake of their privacy (although I don't know why I bother -they're in public after all and can't be too concerned), but this was impossible. I think that at one point my mouth may have actually been open in a little "o" of disbelief. Believe me, Adam Sandler and Judd Apatow could not possibly choreograph a kissing scene like this in their wildest dreams for their most base summer comedy. I would expect this kind of thing on a Saturday Night Live sketch, I never expected to see such a thing in public. The Jim and Stifler kiss from American Pie doesn't even hit a bump on the richter scale by comparison (NB: for those adults who read this blog and don't know what that means, I'm sure you could youtube it...but if you're not into what my father would consider "really dumb" humour, I don't recommend you look it up).
The phrase that really jumped to mind was one that is a favourite of my current roommate Heather -"maccing out". The reason, I think, that this particular phrase stood out to me is because it was like they each had macaroni and cheese smeared all over their faces and crammed into every crevice (and I mean EVERY crevice), and were trying to clean it off each other with their tongues and gums. I just re-read that description, and it doesn't begin to do it justice. I won't even TRY to describe the noises that went with it.
What amazed me most was my reaction to it. Looking back on it now the whole scene was quite hilarious, and hopefully I'll be able to use the experience later in a story or film or something. But at the time I could practically feel myself pulling my scarf up over my head Nonna style, and my lips and shoulders tightening up in disapproval. But I got a grip on myself, reminding myself that I'm only 20 and shouldn't be tutting at teenagers just yet, it struck me that noone else had so much as blinked. Even the real old ladies on the train weren't paying any attention, and strange little old ladies in Russia will yell at you on the street for something as simple as not wearing a warm hat in the winter.
In my musings, as I got off at my station and made my way onto the escalator, I found that despite the crushing crowd of people I had somehow wound up right next to the young lovebirds yet again. Horror of horrors -now they had elbow room, and were more free to explore. Maybe they each had hidden candy in their pockets, and were competing to see who could find it all first, I don't know. I managed to distract myself by keeping my eyes firmly fixed on the picture of the budgerigar that is at the top of the escalator. (NO idea why there's a picture of a budgerigar by the way- a poster of a native Australian parrot in Russia, with no slogan or advertisement on it? What the?)
Anyway, as I reflected on the strangeness of it all (the public cavity searches, not the parrots) it occurred to me that there was probably a good chance that these kids (oh god, I'm only 20 and already I'm calling them "kids") both live in a pretty small apartment, and share a very thin wall with a grandmother or some other member of the family (perhaps that's a sweeping stereotype, but stereotypes exist for a reason).
In such a seemingly passion-less society (and again, that's a sweeping overstatement, not to be taken too seriously...I'm not saying Russians are passion-less, or soulless or anything horrible like that...But they're not going to win any awards for being the most cheerful/colourful population in the world -and they aren't exactly renowned for their raw passion and sexuality)...In a society like this it's seems out of place to see these hormonally vibrant displays on the street. But keeping in mind that in many living situations in Russia privacy doesn't really exist, it kind of makes sense. On the street, where people avoid eye contact (dare I say that they avoid human contact altogether?), is almost as private as you can get. It makes sense that all the available passion is channelled to these areas, where people are busy with their own agenda's and don't care. It's almost like hiding in plain sight.
Or maybe it's just cos they can't dance -there's no other way for them to express themselves sexually. I've only been out once, and it wasn't for very long, but I tell you what -I have never felt so coordinated and athletic on the dance floor compared to the people around me, in my life.
Still, it may take me awhile to get used to this particular cultural anomaly. What is the russian equivalent for "get a room"?
PS: For anyone who doesn't know what a budgie/budgerigar is, it's a parakeet...
3 comments:
oh, god, that was funny, bim. leave acting and start writing.
some cultural context--the good ol' uss of r was a really uptight place--you must understand, the soviets simply didn't HAVE SEX. and certainly not in public. well, rarely... anyway, the regime was incredibly puritanical, despite the fact (and this i find so fascinating) many of its founders (in the teens and twenties) were strong advocate for open marriage, sexual liberation, etc. (to BE a communist after 1900 was to BE a sexual liberationist.) stalin's "revolution from above" put an end to that, and through the 90s at least, you very rarely saw any pdas in russia. the new generation of kids (crazy teens, twenty-somethings) grew up in a relatively uptight time (90s were not go-go in russia). i guess to some extent the public physicality you see so often (and i've seen it too, everywhere in moscow but not so much outside moscow) is surely in part a rejection of the uptight soviet heritage.
~mad
That was great Bim. I completely understand the feeling. Be strong! And, if all else fails, grab a bag of popcorn (if you can find any) and pretend you are at a movie (or just start throwing it at them)...
Come to Moscow!! There is so much to DO! And hurry, because I am coming to St. Pete (hopefully) in March!
That's...special. But very well described! Are the streets really that much of a no-communication zone? How different...well, maybe from the south, but not from NYC or somewhere. Hmm
The word verification is "hyptiv." It's like 'hype' and 'TV', but not.
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